Building Bonds of Complicity: Strengthen Your Family

After a few years of being married to my wife, some people used to tell me a phrase that really began to bother me “How lucky they were”. And the truth bothered me because I knew that as a couple we had to pay a high price of sacrifices to have the relationship we had. Our happiness was not only “Luck”, in fact it was also a harvest, the fruit of a continuous work that even today after almost 23 years of marriage we continue to happily invest in us as home.

Married life will always be a challenge, but every day it becomes more difficult to find those who are willing to pay this price to maintain their unity. One of the characteristics we have as human beings that makes this more difficult is our intuitive tendency to egoism. You can see that it is not common to find a child to whom it is not necessary to teach to share, the natural tendency is to monopolize and feel that everything is about us. This struggle to share will continue with us for life.
It is also true that in any relationship there must be correct reciprocity, it is not only about giving and giving, but also about learning to receive correctly. Learn that it is okay to trust and depend on each other. Especially within the family. It is necessary to discover the healthy balance between stripping and valuing, because every extreme in life is harmful. But this is not free, it is the result of a price you pay for time and communication, and to be willing to invest these valuable resources, we must sometimes strip ourselves of our pride, other times of our sense of frustration or helplessness that causes fear.

“Wherefore, Leave the Man father and Mother and unite with his Woman, becoming both a flesh.” – Genesis 2:24

In this Biblical text we see two concrete actions in which every couple needs to be INTENTIONAL. Again, this will be expensive, but it is WORTH the sacrifices, for the reward is truly extraordinary. These actions are:

-LEAVE the harmful patterns you learned from your parents, or even their absence. Positive standards should be maintained as a healthy family tradition.

-JOIN your partner, because together will begin the construction of a new family.

Today I want to give you some practical tips to improve your efforts to “JOIN” your spouse:

  1. Time: Nowadays has popularized the idea that quality time is better than quantity time, but if you know how successful relationships work you will know that it is not so, to be able to enjoy quality time is also necessary. invest a certain amount. You must be intentional in establishing, maintaining and respecting the moments you will invest in your family. They should be a priority for you, otherwise the routines and runs of life will occupy all your space and what you will have for those who should matter most in your life will be just leftovers.
  2. Friendship: For some strange reason after getting married within our subconscious we stopped being friends and accomplices of our spouse and became judges! That’s terrible for the relationship. If you consciously decide to continue seeing your partner as your best friend, even more as your accomplice, you will begin to realize how many pressures of couple life will begin to disappear immediately. This happens because usually with our friends we have a greater margin of patience, tolerance, and we are willing to give them the “Benefit of the doubt”, that is, we avoid assuming the worst in the face of any disagreement or disagreement. The truth is that now it’s you two and your children against the whole world! The circumstances and challenges of life will try to crush you and if the person closest to you is not your accomplice, but your judge, life will be more difficult than it is by itself. It is worth fighting our unconscious urge to pre-judge our partner.

There are more practices like these that can help us a lot to unite effectively and gracefully with our partner, but I want to leave these two to you for now. Invest in them for a few months and you will begin to notice a big difference!

Pr. Tato Alvarez

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